


A Bad Meme Taken Too Far

by Lexicanus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cock Vore, Gay, Lemon, M/M, One Shot, Other, Short One Shot, Smut, Vore, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 03:10:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16694323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexicanus/pseuds/Lexicanus
Summary: I joked to my friend that I was going to stay up late making a Harry Potter Vore Lemon Yaoi One Shot. I then did it. I hate myself.





	A Bad Meme Taken Too Far

Harry filled the sorting hat with cum for the fourth time that night, standing, ass naked in the Gryffindor bathrooms, the crusty old hat held out in front of him. He lay it down on the floor and began to pull his pants up.

Through a mouth stuck together with Harry's seed, the weathered old hat managed to say. "I still maintain that you would've made a great Slytherin, Harry, some of the sadistic shit you do really makes me reconsider letting you sway my mind."

Harry smirked and did up his belt, grabbing the sorting hat from the floor and giving it a gentle kiss.

"I'd go again but I have to get back to bed before Mr. Filch finds me again, you know the punishment. My ass is still sore from last time."

The sorting hat drooped, it's brim curled up on itself, soaked with piss and cum, looking dejected and lonely.

"Fine, one more, but we have to be quiet." Harry huffed with irritation, quickly casting a levitation spell on his penis. "Wingardium Leviosa."

"Don't worry, Harry, I have a real subtle thing we can do this time." The old hat said with a coy smile. "This is an ancient magic, the muggles call it 'Vore' for some reason."

Harry, intrigued by a new type of sex magic removed his pants fully, revealing his charmed cock and shoved it deep into the sorting hat, who immediately gripped onto his enchanted erection. Harry felt energy course through his body, all of his muscles clenched as he realized that the hat was sucking. Sucking harder than it ever had before.

"St-stop, sorting hat. You're doing it too hard, I feel like you're going to tear it off!" Harry protested.

The hat didn't relinquish its control over harry's mystical member though, no matter how much he struggled, it just kept on sucking him in. Harry cried out in pain as one of his legs was sucked inside the unwashed hat's gaping hole. Eventually, Harry was pulled inside the hat entirely. Harry was vaguely aware of pockets of cum as he slid down into the sorting hat. Eventually, Harry landed, cock first, on to the cloth floor. He clutched his crotch in pain with one hand and pushed himself up with the other. The inside of the hat was dark and Harry squinted, looking for something that could help him get out. Or get off, whatever. Harry clenched his abs and pulled his own wand out of his ass, quickly casting a spell that would help him see.

"Lumos-terbate" Harry uttered.

The wand shone, exposing the pocket dimension that Harry was stuck in. Around him, he could see old artifacts of the school, jewelry, ancient books and, excitingly, the Sword of Gryffindor. Harry, still erect and horny, grabbed hold of the sword of Gryffindor, gently running his fingers along the sharp edge of the blade, he gripped the handle of the sword tight in one hand and caressed his bewitched bollocks with the other. Harry took a few deep breaths before inserting the ancient sword, blade first into his asshole. Blood ran down the silver edge that Harry had carefully impaled himself with, it was an unexplainable ecstasy, he could feel the power coursing through his rectum, the awe and dazzling brilliance of Godric Gryffindor filled him entirely. Knowing that he would die from blood loss, Harry began to jerk himself off harder and faster than he had ever done so before, practically ripping his own cock off, Harry didn't even realize that his wrist was dislocated until he came, carpeting the floor with his spellbound semen.

As Harry bled to death, he had no regrets.

Harry, bleary-eyed and barely aware of his surroundings heard a familiar caw. He felt a warm sensation on his asshole, 'Probably the gonorrhea' he thought, but as the sensation continued, he realized that he had a bird perched on his leg, crying into his tattered asshole.

"Fawks?!" Harry exclaimed in disbelief, removing the sword from his hole. "You saved me!"

The Phoenix gave a delighted squawk and flew around in a victory maneuver.

Harry was humbled and knew what he had to do to make up for his own life being saved. He grabbed Fawks out of the air and turned it around, getting himself hard once again and inserting his spelled schlong into the magical avian's tiny fuckhole. It was warm and toasty, with each thrust, he could feel the bird's bones breaking a little more. By the time he was done, the smell of burnt pubes and phoenix tears hung heavy in the air. Harry let go and the bird fell to the floor, it's head bent backward and it's eyes bugging out of their sockets.

Harry sobbed as the magical bird caught alight and became ash on the floor. He had thought that it would be all under control, but the phoenix that saved his life was now no more. Harry did the only honorable thing and began scooping the ashes into his gaping asshole, clenching his sphincter so that none would fall out.

Several hours later, while staring up out the hole that he had come through, Harry felt warm in his gut, a pleasant burning that reminded him about what Snape had called his 'Mega-syphilis'. But, as the warm feeling progressed, Harry discovered that it wasn't his mega-syphilis at all, but instead, it was Fawkes erupting from his stomach.

R.I.P Harry. This is so sad, can we hit ten children?

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually cursed and whatever god there may be will never forgive me.
> 
> Also, I didn’t realize until after halfway through writing this that the hat wasn’t imbued with a bag of holding-type enchantment and that in the second movie the sword of Gryffindor could be pulled out of the hat just because of lazy bullshit writing. Genuinely thought that the hat just had that sword in it the entire time.


End file.
